Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
