Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
