So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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