honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My cat gives me a boner
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
