I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
