So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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