the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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