1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
