Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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