Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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