Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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