In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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