how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
