Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
