Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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