her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
