So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well you can't waste a boner
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
