watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
