i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
