i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
