If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
