I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Boobs speak an international language.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
