I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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