I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
