get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
