I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
