A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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