Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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