I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
