I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
