worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
