party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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