I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want to make out with him forever
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
