smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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