It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
