I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
