Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
