I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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