People in love make me want to vomit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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