I wish my penis had an off switch
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
