i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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