1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
