my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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