I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
