A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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