He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
