So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
