Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
