Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
