why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
