I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
where are my eyebrows?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
